The road to hell is paved with popsicle sticks

Last night we had a rare thing in our house: Quality Family Time. It was almost idyllic: Zen and Tempest went into the backyard and picked some lettuce and carrots and made a salad. We all sat down to dinner together, and Tempest told us about her day as we ate. I should have known that all this family bliss could come to no good in the end.

I came back from changing a diaper to find Tempest eating a popsicle at 7:20pm. A friggin' popsicle! Zen, in his eternal optimism, assumed that when the box said "Whole Fruit" that it meant it. Oh, sweet sweet Zen. So trusting. As I read him the label ("Water, fructose, fruit puree...") it dawned on him. We were doomed.

Anyhoo, long story short, instead of being asleep by her usual 9pm, Tempest finally fell asleep a little after 10pm, after 2 hours of concerted effort on my part to avoid poking my eye out with a sharp stick.

Now, Dear Reader, you might ask yourself, why did I need to attend to the monster child for those two hours? Well, Zen and I practice what is pithily called attachment parenting. It's sort of the opposite of Ferberizing, for which I have no stomach. But after nights like last night I'm ready to go out for milk and not come back for a couple of years.

After a bad dream and wanting nothing to do with Zen, I was back in Tempest's room at 1:30am. I foolishly offered a stuffed animal for comfort, which prompted a request for her favorite stuffed animal instead, which was (I thought) in the car. After a delightful 90 minutes of "I want Doggie NOW!! NOOOWWW MOMMA!!!" an exhausted Tempest finally passed out. Thirty minutes later I was nearly done processing my rage and self-loathing (why did I offer that damned dog, and where the hell was Doggie?) and just about to fall back to sleep in my own bed when Tempest woke up again, distressed to find that Mommy was no longer in her room. Another 30 minutes of failed attempts to substitute Zen's presence for my own, then I was back in bed with her, keeping myself sane by thinking about this very post. My time with Tempest didn't end until Sunny woke up and needed to nurse around 4am (bless you Sunny, you good sleeper you!). Then miraculously Daddy passed the bar of acceptability and we switched places. On occasion, Tempest can be cool and understanding. This occasion was particularly surprising, given that a mere twenty minutes earlier she was trying to kick and claw past Zen to get to me.

And that is the story of how I came to get only three or four crappy hours of sleep last night, impacting my ability to write a quality post here tonight. Can't wait until I have teenagers who want nothing to do with me and I can get some sleep. Is that soon?